Lately nearly 60% of the people who come to me for coaching are themselves coaches, or people contemplating coaching – or they perform an indirect coaching role at work by virtue of being in certain positions, such as HR or OD. As you can imagine they need a lot of support, a lot of self-checking, awareness, and reflection, but most importantly I noticed that they need a lot of re-assurance and validation that they are doing this coaching thing ‘correctly’. Regardless of who they are in terms of brand status, where they studied their coaching, or if they are self-taught or if they have a natural talent, they all seem to need the re-assurance.

This need for affirmation is of course understandable particularly in an industry that is strictly speaking not very regulated, also there is no one size fits all, and no two clients are the same. It is easy to feel like you are a fraud and be in a tight grip of the Imposter Syndrome.

Them, seeing me as a sounding board and someone they can trust and share their coaching stories is a privilege I don’t take likely. And because they open so much, I listen closely and compassionately so that I can share appropriately my experiences of coaching over the years.

In case you are not aware, I have been in the coaching space for the past 10 years, I had done a very short course on Integral Coaching Principles in 2006 – but a lot was happening in my life then to even think of coaching anyone, so I parked it. Only seven years later, in 2013 did I begin ‘coaching’ people, mostly start up entrepreneurs and people in bad relationships and bad spaces. They were people on the ground floor, to use Iyanla’s term. It was informal coaching (meaning it was mostly free and donation based cringe).

Looking back at my journey, I can categorize the coaching journey into three parts. This is my perspective, it’s not in any textbook, it is based on my own journey and the experiences I am hearing from my coach clients and the general observation from my peers in the coaching world. The first stage is the Messiah Stage, the second is the Actor Stage and the third stage is The Real Deal. How long the stages last depend on how self-aware, introspective, and healed the coach is.

The Messiah Stage

Think of what the messiah represents, it’s a Saviour, rescuer, all you want to do is to help people to alleviate their suffering, often at your own expense. I stayed in this stage for far too long, probably the first 3 to 4 years of my coaching. I would listen to all sorts of things from all sorts of people, I over did everything, I overshared, I over gave of my time, I would say things like, ‘I am not a therapist, we don’t do an hour, we finish when we finish’. I remember spending entire mornings or entire afternoons with one person. At the time, it felt generous, it felt real, I was ‘helping’ people heal, it felt very good, what I did not realise was how much energy and power I was giving not to mention my time, oh my goodness my TIME! I did not realise how unhealthy it was for me and how unhelpful it was to them. This stage while necessary (I will explain why on the coaching circle soon) it is not meant to be prolonged; it is unsustainable, it leads to burn out and bitterness.

The Actor Stage

What does an actor in real life do? They take on a role, they learn about the character, the learn the lines, and they perform and play the role – the idea is for the actor to play the role so convincingly that the viewers of the act are sold and believe the character. This is the stage when a coach takes on the character of being the coach, it is when the coach focuses more on themselves and how they come across to the world. It is when we amplify sometimes even inflate everything, who we are, the clients we have helped, the money we charge, the lifestyle we lead, to increase our perceived value to the ‘viewer’. It is all about branding, who we associate with and who our clients are, no it is not pretense, it is not fake, it is acting. There is a difference, the same way we don’t say Lupita Nyong’o is pretending to be Nakia on Black Panther we know she is acting as Nakia; she has become the role. Most new coaches act the role of being a coach and this acting comes with all sorts of props and frills 😊. Now, like the Messiah stage, this stage is very important and necessary, most coaches stay here for too long.

The Third Stage

Eventually, after a few years, you find the sweet spot, you find your niche, you find what you are good at or to put it in healer terms – you find your true medicine, your healing touch. You find your own methodologies and processes; you find your deeper stomach and womb voice. You slowly drop the acting because it is no longer needed, surely and steadily you become the real deal. You no longer chase, your name precedes you and your work speaks for itself and your tribe, your people find you.

Also, there are steps within these stages, it is deep 😊

So, if you are reading this and are a new coach, or contemplating taking up coaching, or you have the coaching qualifications, but they don’t work. I will be finally creating a coaching course for early 2024 titled The Coaching Circle (for now, the name might change :)). If you are keen, send us an email to be added to the list so you can get for more information and updates, info@lebopule.co.za

In the meantime, subscribe to the Coaching Notes if you haven’t to get a sense and feel of how I teach, coach, and approach the work.

In Other News

Stretch Podcast – Episode 218 The Wisdom of The Body

In case you missed it, you can listen to the partial episode on your favorite podcast platform and if you like what you hear and want to hear the rest subscribe and Listen Here.

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